It’s hard to keep up with work, paying bills, getting groceries, cooking, cleaning, and staying in contact with friends and family on top of taking care of a baby!

I wouldn’t trade it for a second, but I have to admit I have moments where I’m frustrated. In those moments of frustration, guilt starts to creep in. Am I allowed to be frustrated? After all, I wanted this. I prayed for this. I spent years waiting for this. And while I knew there would be days like this, that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment – especially when you’ve been up most of the night, several nights in a row. Here are the awkward places I have found myself lately:

Between I love this child so much my heart could burst and oh my goodness, mommy is tired… will you just go to sleep!? (Seriously, why does a sleep baby need to be convinced they’re tired!?)

Between I want everyone to see how cute my baby is and no one touch her, you have germs!

Between let’s take a trip to the store, you’ve been so good today, and vowing to never take her anywhere again after she screams all the way home.

Between the pleasure of knowing she needs her mama and wanting her to not fuss when I sit her down so I can go to the bathroom.

Between ‘aw, even strangers think my baby is cute’ and I don’t know you…you can walk away now…

Between I’ve got her scheduled figured out and nope. Schedule changed. (Why do I continue to fool myself thinking she’ll get on a schedule?)

Between this is the best thing ever and how is it only 9am and I’ve already been puked and pooped on twice.

Between I got this and where is your daddy?

Between I never want to let go and my back is breaking.

Between tears of joy and tears of defeat.

Between thinking I’m rocking this mom thing, and I don’t know if I can do it.

I’d like to think I’m not the only mom in the ‘in-between’, but even if I am alone here, the laughs, the smiles, the cuddles, the little hand reaching out to touch my face, the unconditional love of a baby girl is still there for me, and then I know I can do it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.